I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
