The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
