this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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