And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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