I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
