Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The ass gains better be worth it
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