we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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