marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize