Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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