Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
