Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
