I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
