South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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