His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
