I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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