Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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