anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
