I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
