OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
