The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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