I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
