my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
