I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
