put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize