And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
