I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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