Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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