This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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