Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
