what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
