Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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