maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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