gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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