Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
