So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
