There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The air was thick with penises
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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