She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize