Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
