I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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