I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
