A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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