Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
