Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize