you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
