I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize