What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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