i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My ass is underappreciated
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
