yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
