I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
