she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
