Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
