just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
