I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
