my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
