I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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