Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
