im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
