I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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