I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
