omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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