we have officially lost it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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