i need an iv and a liver transplant
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
