I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
