I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
