GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
