What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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