Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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