when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
