First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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