My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
